Thanks A-Latte!

Oh. My. Espresso. How I love thee.

I thought I would devote a little writing and all around appreciation to my new job that I absolutely adore. I just recently acquired a job at Bookmans, which (for those of you who don't already know) is a magnificent company that is here in Arizona. Bookmans is a place of beauty...seriously. They recycle books, music, videos and electronics by buying your hand-me down goodies and re-selling them to shoppers for amazing prices. When you sell goods to Bookmans, they either give you cash or a trade-slip that you can use anywhere in the store (even the cafe). This is the place to find the best stuff for the best prices. Being the bookworm that I am, I love browsing the shelves and finding classic authors, new authors, art books and so much more. They have something to do with everything...not to mention their insane and hard to resist collection of music. I know this is just a super short description of them and I cannot even begin to enlighten you on every wonderful aspect of this place. You can read more about this slice of heaven here.

Anyway...I work in the cafe!!! Yay! Mmmm, coffee? Yes, please. I cannot begin to express how excited this whole experience makes me. The Bookmans Cafe is a place of quality. Period. We are being trained by the most brilliant coffee connoisseur, if you will, that I have ever met. I swear, ask him anything and he knows...oh and he's an incredible teacher and has a sweet personality and a fantastic sense of humor. I'm so excited to introduced to the wonderful world of coffee and learn all these incredible things. I know this is going to sound cheesy...but coffee really is an art. (Sorry if I am rambling and not making a lot of sense...I've probably consumed too much caffeine for my own good).

So, here is what we're working with...

Intelligentsia (Holy guacamole this stuff is good.)

And our AMAZING machine from La Marzocco straight from Firenze, Italia!!!

Everything is so amazing and the people at Bookmans have the kindest hearts I've experienced. I'm so fortunate to have this amazing job and I am so excited and eager to learn, learn, learn! So come visit so I can pull you a (hopefully) delicious shot!

Here's a wonderful video from Intelligentsia that is A.) just a really beautiful video and B.) a taste of what I've been learning step by step.

Pish Posh, Applesauce

Holy guacamole. It's a Saturday night and I'm in college, yet I am sitting in my empty house in my most comfy pajamas, drinking a cup of tea, listening to Christmas music and KNITTING. Hellooo grandmother. (Although, I do give myself a little leeway because I opened for the past three mornings in a row at work and I open again tomorrow...and by opening I mean 4:15am, AKA hell).

Latest piece of interesting news? I learned how to knit via my dear Jessica. I love it so far. I just love the idea that when I'm done I'll have made something (a warm headband in particular if you were curious) that I feel confident about and that keeps my ears toasty! Oh right, and it's a fraction of the cost. I've found knitting to be rather therapeutic. It's a nice way to relax and wind down before crawling into a warm bed.

Josh Groban's rendition of The First Noel is on my holiday Pandora station right now. Fun fact.

I'm going to finish my tea and go to bed now. Its only twenty after 8. Another fun fact. I'm the complete opposite of a normal college student. More around the age of 40 if you ask me.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

I would say that walking to school in -3 degree weather officially counts as winter. It's been rather refreshing! I love the feeling of the icy air stinging your cheeks...as long as the rest of your body is warm. I've decided that good shoes are the key when trying to stay warm, and I'm not doing too good on that front. Note to self: purchase winter boots. Since I've been in such a shopping mood, I decided to share a few of my favorite [winter] things.

These Anthropologie boots are to die for. A little on the pricier side, but totally worth it in my opinion. I'm hoping to be a proud owner soon.

This totally cute hat is something I found on Etsy, which is quickly becoming my new obsession. Cute, affordable and comes in different colors? Yes, please.

Last night I was talking with my friends about our different styles, and my friend Aisha said that she always pictures me in sweaters and I always look cozy, and I kind of like that description. This sweater from ModCloth is so darn cute and I love that it's a little unique with the turtleneck and the color is one of my favorite neutrals. You can find it here.

I know there's only a few here, but they're definitely my favorite lusts for the season so far. I think I might start putting pictures up of things that I actually wear and that way I can share my favorites from my own wardrobe. But I must forewarn: I own so many neutrals it's ridiculous, so don't be surprised.

Post Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving

Why is it that we always want what we cannot have?

Curly hair isn't good enough, straight is better. Tan skin is the most attainable if you are super pale. The boy you can't have is your dream guy...when does it stop?

This is where it stops. Or at least I attempt to stop wanting the opposites from that of which I have. After having such a wonderful Thanksgiving and reflecting on all of the sweet things that this life has to offer, I still have to remind myself that I am happy. I am content. I keep thinking about all these things that life will hopefully bring me in the future and I seem to forget about everything I have right in front of me. I'm nineteen, and I feel so old and you know what...it's alright. I just have to keep in mind that I'm not old. I have a long way before all the wonderful stuff that life will bring. It's not quite time yet and I need to enjoy this time, the now. So this is a reminder to myself: SLOW DOWN. Appreciate the now a little more so you don't regret rushing past it in the future.

And to quote the oh so wonderful Cat Stevens, or Yusef Islam if you prefer (and yes, you have permission to make fun of me):

"It's not time to make a change, just relax, take it easy. You're still young, that's your fault; there's so much you have to learn."

Give Thanks.

Happy almost-Thanksgiving! I already know I will not be writing tomorrow because I'll be too busy digesting delicious food at home with the family, so I thought I would celebrate my favorite holiday (via blogging) an evening early.

Oh Thanksgiving, how I adore thee! Your warm fuzzy nature, your family values, your delicious (no shy emphasis on the DELICIOUS) grub and not to mention the wine. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday for the following reasons: the food (okay, duh, we get it), the family (even the crazy ones), the colors!!! (I love, love oranges and browns and fall-ish colors), did I mention the food? And I love Thanksgiving because it's like Christmas...except you're not obligated to give gifts to people you don't really want to.

But most of all, I love the food.

Thanksgiving is also a time to reflect upon things that we are, well, thankful for.

Me? I'm thankful for my family, without which I would have nothing. And I'm thankful for my friends, who are my family and therefore who also I would have nothing without. And this year, I am especially thankful for the chance to be going to a university and studying what I enjoy, to live in a beautiful house that I never imagined I would live in and last but not least, the brand new opportunity I have been granted for change in my place of work. So long corporate America...it's been a real ride.

So, as I give you all these warm and fuzzy examples of personal gratitude, I leave you with your own thoughts about what you are grateful for...both in general as well as this particular time in your life. Happy eating!

You ride a bike and read Rilke so it's meant to be love.

I'm not the most avid poetry reader, but I think I read more than most people my age. I enjoy when the right poem falls into my lap and I get so incredibly caught up in it that I must read more of that author. To me, this is the best way to find a great writer.

My absolute favorite author is a German poet by the name of Rainer Maria Rilke. I cannot even remember the first time I heard of him, and I can't say that many people I have asked about him know very much (maybe I'm asking the wrong people), but oh he is wonderful! I cannot simply tell you how much I love him because I can't find the words, so instead I will let you read a little bit for yourself.

First, a quick passage from an essay by Rilke that I love...

"...Where is he among us who dare speak of love?

Verily, nature speaks not of love; nature bears it in her heart and none knows the heart of nature. Verily, God bears love in the world, yet the world overwhelms us. Verily, the mother speaks not of love, for it is borne for her within the child, and the child destroys it. Verily, the spirit speaks not of love, for the spirit thrusts it into the future, and the future is remote. Verily, the lover speaks not of love, for to the lover it comes in sorrow, and sorrow sheds tears."

Secondly, I share with you one that makes me giggle a little. This is a forewarning that it is a little sensual. Okay...fine, a lot. Although it is pretty in depth, I love that he was bold and brave enough to be so honest and pure in his poetry.

This is the fourth poem from the Seven Phallic Poems by Rilke.

You don't know towers, with your diffidence.

Yet now you'll become aware

of a tower in that wonderful rare

space in you. Hide your countenance.

You've erected it unsuspectingly,

by turn and glance and indirection,

and I, blissful one, am allowed entry.

Ah, how in there I am so tight.

Coax me to come forth to the summit:

so as to fling into your soft night,

with the soaring of a womb-dazzling rocket,

more feeling than I am quite.

And lastly, one of my favorites.

The Lovers by Rilke

See how in their veins all becomes spirit:

into each other they mature and grow.

Like axles, their forms tremblingly orbit,

round which it whirls, bewitching and aglow.

Thirsters, and they receive drink,

watchers, and see: they receive sight.

Let them into one another sink

so as to endure each other outright.

(...and cue the handsome gentleman, fellow lover of Rilke)

Fam-wee!

This weekend, I attended my cousin's wedding. I cannot believe he's married. It seems like just yesterday he was single and ready to mingle!

My cousin is an incredibly special person to me. My brother and I have always been close to our cousins Landon and Ashlee, and I've always considered them more to be siblings than cousins. Landon has always been there like a brother. He has laughed with me, cried with me, encouraged and supported me and isn't afraid to make fun of me. I've always felt like I could tell him anything.

I don't talk to Landon or see him near as much as I used to or as I would like to, and this makes it a little hard when I do see him because I often feel like there should be something done to fix this. It's hard to keep in contact with family when you both are so busy. This is partly why I was so excited to see him this weekend! I was so proud of him as he said his vows and promised his love to Nellie. She is quite the amazing woman herself, someone who makes you feel instantly loved and though you've known her forever. I couldn't be happier for them both and I am excited to seewhere their lives take them. These aren't the best pictures, just a few that I got while I was busy trying to wipe my tears away.

Lando Banano, I'm so happy for you and I couldn't have picked a better wife for you.

Nellie, I'm so excited you're a part of my family. "WE'RE FUCKING RELATED NOW!"

Love you both.

Whorehouse Arizona

Miscellaneous tidbits.

I just bought the new Kings of Leon album and it has made my heart indescribably happy. I love, love Kings and I could probably listen to them for a ridiculously extended amount of time. I find their music to be quite powerful, and their lyrics resonate truth and emotion. I just want them to come back to Arizonaaa!

Oh, Arizona. You are quite the beautiful state. Your varying climates and beautiful, vast skies have made me a happy girl for the last twelve years of my life. I just want to take a moment to say that I appreciate you, in all of your beauty.

I think I need to get a kick start on this bucket list thing. I really want to experience some of my things that I have on it and be able to check them off my list. I think I'll start with the tattoo. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

I'm in love with Arrested Development. It's wonderfully hilarious. I tend to watch it when I need an escape from homework. However, I need to spend less time watching it and reading.

I need a new book to read. I must do that tomorrow.

My dear cousin is getting married on Saturday, and I couldn't be happier for him.

I want to date. Just good ole dating. Fun. Simple.

I. Cannot. Get. Over. KOL.

Ride on the Peace Train

Oh, the Peace Corps...I can hear you calling my name!

I've got my life plan set in motion...finally. Or some sort of temporary plan at least. I'm finally excited about my major; Environmental Sciences: Biology with a minor in English. I made the decision to switch from and English major after the self-realization that I need the security of having a back-up plan to teaching English. Plus, I love, love my program. It interests me as much as English, and I can be sure that it'll get me into a job that I love in case teaching doesn't pan out right away. But teaching is what I want to do. I don't care if I don't make a lot of money, or I have misbehaved students that give me nightmares occasionally. I'm not afraid of anyone's horror stories. I cannot wait to get in the classroom and start teaching! Whether it be English or Bio, I know I'll find what's right for me.

So, in short, here's my plan: get through my undergrad and head for the Peace Corps. Although the idea of being so committed for a long period of time, I'm excited and eager to do it. The Peace Corps has been in my mind for a long time now and I know it's what I want to do. I suppose things could change and when I get closer to graduation I'll want to change my plan, but this just seems right. I want to travel, to help people, to teach, to learn.

School is well and work is exhausting. I cannot wait until summer...and I'm not even half way through the year. Oh, boy.

I Miss the Way We Sleep

"I miss those (brown) eyes, how you kissed me at night. I miss the way we sleep; like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile. I miss the way we breathe. But I never told you, what I should have said. No I never told you, I just held it in; and now, I miss EVERYTHING about you."

It's amazing the power this song has over me. I listen to it and I immediately feel the same emotion that I felt crying myself to sleep after Anthony died. And to be quite honest, there are still nights that I do the same as I did a week after he was gone...and it's been more than five months.
FIVE MONTHS?! How the hell have you been out of my life for five fucking months?! It doesn't seem possible. It doesn't feel possible. When I look at pictures or hear a song that reminds me of you (like Just Dance haha or some good ole Jason Mraz) I'm taken back to the times dancing in the backseat of Haley's car or staying up literally all night and the next morning and just playing our favorite music for each other while Haley and Michael got pissed because we wouldn't shut up. I guess fitting four people into one huge bed probably wasn't the best idea when two of them wanted to sleep and all I wanted to do was get to know you. You would still tell me that I was the one who kept you up all night, and maybe that is so, but I don't regret pulling that all-nighter with you for one second, even though I was dead tired the next day and you had football practice at 6am. That was the night I got to know you. That was the night I decided, 'I like this guy. He's wonderful, and nothing like I expected.'
I still cannot process the idea that you're gone. I've never understood when people lose someone and they feel like a piece of them is missing, until now. I feel a hole in my heart. I feel like you took it with you to where ever you are, and all I want is for you to bring it back and for you to stick around with it. It hurts too much to have a part of me gone. You knew me better than a lot of people. You saw right through me. You could make me cry because I was so angry at you, and kiss you five minutes later because you apologized and put those arms around me and charmed me with your smile. I still don't understand how we became such great friends. I don't understand why you were so nice to me, so loving towards me. You treated me better than just about any friend I've ever had. You even listened to me cry when I called you about my grandmother, and you told me everything would be okay. I never thought I would have to say goodbye to you before I said it to her.

I simply cannot believe you are gone. I can't accept it yet. I'm not to that point. You surround me. You are everywhere I look. And I miss you every damn day. All I needed was for you to come and put your arms around me and tell me everything was going to be okay, and you weren't here. And it hurts. It literally aches. And I'm not sure when it won't anymore. I miss you my dear. And I love you, so much.

You Got to Have Faith

Religion. I'm so torn on this topic. And yes I mean the topic, in general. Sometimes I love the topic of religion, and sometimes I despise it. I HATE when people judge others on what they believe. I know 'hate' isn't a great word to use when speaking about the subject, but I feel it is appropriate so I will use it. I like when people share their religion with others who WANT to hear it. If someone doesn't want to hear it, (I like to think I don't have a bad mouth, but I honestly have no better way to say this...) please, shut the fuck up. Don't you dare tell someone they are 'going to hell' for something they do or do not believe. To those people I ask: when did you focus so much on this idea of being such a perfect image to God that you lost your humanity?

I have found many different definitions of religion, and this is my favorite:

religion: a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith.

I like this because it allows different principle beliefs and philosophies to be referred to as 'religion', which is a word I quite like.

So you may be asking what religion I am. My answer is that I have no idea. Most days I believe in God. This belief has gotten me through some tough times. The idea that God loves, and God gives and that we should live a good life, a positive life and follow God is just lovely to me. I also have great admiration for those who truly follow Jesus and try to live and love like him. But here's where it gets complicated: everyone interprets Jesus, God, the bible and everything else every religion has to offer, differently. Some people say premarital sex is bad, others think not. Some people think that drinking alcohol is bad, others don't. Yet, they all claim to be 'Christian' or some kind of branch of Christianity. So what is right? I believe in being courteous, kind and loving to yourself, others, and nature. I believe in being a good person, and being open minded. I believe in karma and balance. I believe that love and kindness conquers all; all ways, always. I believe in hope. And yes, I believe everyone should have faith in something, or someone.

Just breathe...

Here we go again with the mind changing. I cannot make decisions to save my life. I want to teach. I know this...but do I really want to major in English Secondary Ed??? Will I be stuck?! Will I be able to get a job?! Eye yei yei! I've always been a big fan of Biology, hence my Environmental Science - Bio ex-major, and now minor, but I have this enormous love for English and the content area. So what do I do? It's pretty up in the air right now, which I am not a fan of...things being up in the air that is. I would really like a concrete career path, but I can't seem to get to that point. I think I just need to take it easy, step back, breathe, and do what my heart tells me.

In other news, Jenna Bee and I are going to Bikram Yoga and I am incredibly nervous to say the least. Class starts in less than two hours and I'm just finishing up my supper, which is a yummy salad with organic romaine lettuce, roma tomatoes, garbanzo beans, some cous-cous (the food so nice you say it twice!), fresh mozzarella cheese and of course avocado and my favorite salad dressing. I just learned today that the studio will be an insane 110 degrees! Yikes! My guess is that I will come back at least 3lbs lighter after the hour and a half class. Good thing I already drink a lot of water on a regular basis! I hope it will be enjoyable, but I'm 99% positive I will end up laying in a pool of sweat on my mat after the first 10 minutes. Here's to hoping I make it through!

Feeling the Pull

Tonight is a lovely evening in Flagstaff. Yes, it's a little chilly, but as I sit in front of the window there's a wonderful rain scented breeze flowing through the screen and I can just feel the rain coming...or maybe it's just how my hair is acting...take a look!

I heard this wonderful song by the Swell Season called 'Feeling the Pull' and I couldn't relate to it more. Lately I've been wanting so much more...to get out and LIVE. I want to travel, I want to do something wonderful that I can tell people about and feel accomplished about. I feel so small sometimes, and although I'm perfectly okay with feeling small, I want something to dedicate my life to...or something along those lines. I think I just need a project.
I started reading this book called Turtle Feet and it is a memoir about a young man that quit everything because he wanted to go to India and become a Buddhist monk...why can't I do something great like that? Oh right, because I'm 19 years young and I have the rest of my life to do it. I don't want to wait though. I know people say that there is no rush growing up, but most of the time I long for grown up things. I can't wait to graduate, to join the Peace Corps, to start teaching, to settle down, get married, have kids, live a quiet life. Of course, the marriage and kids thing will most likely be a while considering the fact that I am not anywhere close to even having a boyfriend...but I want these things NOW. I feel like I am waiting for my life to start, and I don't like that feeling. I've been trying so hard to focus on living in the now, but it seems all I can do is focus on the future. Maybe this is all just hitting me now because I have what seems like everyone around me getting married, having children and starting their own lives. I suppose it comes with the passing years. I just feel slightly unaccomplished compared to other people's lives. Maybe I shouldn't compare my life to others...that cannot be healthy. But, I just hope one day someone will love me, my story, my life, and it inspires them. I find so much inspiration from other people and other things that I must wonder if someone with ever find me interesting, and inspiring...

P.S. I am in NO WAY ready to get married or have children...but the thought of it excites me to the extreme.

For the love of you.

Why is it that we do so much to please other people? Why don't we do something that we love, for us. I notice, all to often, that people do stuff just to make somebody else happy. We often act as completely different people to impress someone, to show them something that they might like. But I've noticed that when we act as someone we're not, we lose ourselves.

I look at the people around me, and at the country I live in and I wonder, how often do people stop to do something that they love, simply because they love it? I have this spot in Prescott that I love watching the sunset (there's nothing like an Arizona sunset), and I do it because it brings me peace. I don't know why I love the sky so much from that exact place in comparison to other places, but it's something that I would rather not analyze. I don't want to break down each color of the sunset or focus on WHY I love it. I watch the sunset from there because it's beautiful, and that's all I know.

I want to start living my entire life in this way: doing things for me; not for other people. I want to travel, I want to love, I want to watch the sunset from my favorite place with no distractions. This is my focus. To enjoy, to love, and to live life.

Tommy Boy

Me and my buddy Tom are busy packing. At least I have him to bring me through a room full of cardboard boxes...

Dissertations of My Dad

When I was younger, my dad used to lecture me on something or other every morning on the way to school. It was a pretty solid routine. Get in the car, lecture, Pangea Bakery for breakfast (my favorite was, and always will be Nicole's pumpkin chocolate chip muffins! Yum!), and then he would keep on lecturing until I got out of the car at school. To be honest, I cannot remember what all of these talks were about. There were too many. They were always random life lessons that he wanted me to learn. One day, I asked him if he recognized our routine....how he gave me a life lesson everyday on the way to school. He laughed and said, "Yes. You know, you should really take notes and someday you can write a book entitled, Dissertations of My Dad." (I am using italics because I cannot find the underlining button...and I also am not sure why I am explaining this, but just go with it). Looking back, I wish I would have! I think it would be a really cool idea for a book. My dad is a very intelligent man and I wish I would've taken those notes so that I could remember all those things he told me and I could share them! I am writing this because in my previous blog I wrote about why I am writing this, and I feel that this is a perfect example...if I write in this blog enough, I can look back at it later and remember things that I may have forgotten about.

I've been thinking about how much I miss my dad lately. He moved back east on the first of the year and it's beyond weird not having him in the same town or at least close to the same town as me. I miss him terribly. I know that a lot of people say that they have the best parents in the world, but I swear, I really do. My dad is not someone who many people find "easy" to get along with. And to be honest, he's not. But I find it easy to get along with him (most of the time), and I think that it is because I am his daughter and I share a lot of his "character." My dad is a very "no bull-shit" kind of person. He doesn't put up with people's inabilities to act like responsible, considerate humans beings. I seem notice this attribute in myself quite often, and even more as I get older. I don't like dealing with people who aren't on the same level as I am. Yes, I know this sounds conceited and in some ways, perhaps it is. But I do not find it unreasonable to expect kindness, consideration, and an overall understanding of common sense from those around me. This absolutely stems from my father. (This picture was taken in Italy right after we came down from the top of Brunelleschi's dome. This was the only reason my dad wanted to go to Florence, just to see this amazing piece of architecture. I don't blame him, it was pretty cool. I like this picture because my dad doesn't usually smile too much, but he was so happy to see this amazing work. I was happy to share that with him).

For instance, I live in an apartment that I rent from a property management place-thing, and the woman that my room mate and I deal with is, without question, a ditz. Not only is she a ditz, she doesn't return phone calls! My room mate and I had called her to see if we could possibly extend our lease for a month (something that probably would've been beneficial to her). We left her several messages, and she never called us back! For crying out loud, this is your JOB. You get paid to arrange these things. I have a feeling it's because we are "students." Seriously? Just because we are students doesn't mean you shouldn't treat us with the same respect that you treat your other clients. Needless to say, she is terrible at her job and I think she should be fired.

One of the things my father always does is call people back. If somebody is trying to get a hold of you, for goodness sakes, pick up the telephone and ring them back! I don't know why this bothers me SO much, but it really does. Please, just call me back. Even if I don't have anything important to say to you.

Speaking of my dad, I cannot wait to see him this summer. I will by flying back east to go see him and the rest of my family sometime later this summer. Before my dad moved, we would go every year to see the family that lives there (aunts, uncles, grandma, cousins), but this is the first year I will be traveling by myself. But I love plane rides and I've been in airports more times than I can count so I'm not too worried about it.

One of my favorite visits when I go see my family is when my aunt takes my cousin and I to Sleepy Hollow! Yes, the real Sleepy Hollow! It's been one of those weird obsessions that people have, like collecting stamps or something. I collect Sleepy Hollow things! The cemetery is one of the most beautiful places I've been. It overlooks the Hudson and I am always filled with a sense of peace when I'm there. I always like looking at the names of the graves, and the Rockefellers have a pretty cool family mausoleum there. I wish I could find a picture on my computer of the whole thing, but this is the only one I ran across while I was looking.
Anyway, needless to say, I am anxious to get out of town for at least a week. I think my dad and I are going to visit Montreal for a couple days as well. I will finally be able to use my French for once in my life! It should be fun trip, especially because I love spending time with my dad, just the two of us. I think it's something that I didn't cherish enough when I could do it all the time. One of those things you don't miss until it's gone.

Mexico 2006, maybe?
This is my dad giving me one of his infamous, "you're being ridiculous" looks. I can't remember why.
Same Mexico trip.
I am so thankful that he is my dad, and I am proud to be his daughter.

-Funny fact: I cannot remember a time, even once, in my life that I have ever called my father Dad. Not once. It's always been Daddy. Dad just doesn't fit. Haha, I thought I would share.

Changing addresses...again.

I despise moving.

I am a homebody. I do not like change. I like to be comfortable in how things are, including where I live. I'm sick of moving around. It's stressful, expensive, annoying and it just all around tires me out. Next week, I will be moving all of my things to another apartment that I am not entirely impressed by, but hopefully we can find a better place by the end of the summer.

Ahhh, sweet summer. I'm so happy it is finally here! The past couple days have been incredibly windy, but at least the sun is out and there is no snow on the ground. So much time to do fun summer things! Hiking has been put on hold due to mine and Jenna's terrible hiking experience...
I honestly do not thing that I will ever hike this again. Please don't get me wrong, I love hiking, I love mountains, I love the idea of hiking this particular trail...but never again will I actually hike it. In summary, Jenna and I lost the trail on the way up, got to the top, and lost it on the way back down again. Coming down off of that mountain was entirely too much for me to handle. There was too much snow, thorny bushes, and anxiety trying to find our way down while we were quickly burning daylight. Good thing it's a ski mountain and slopes always lead to the ski lift! Next stop: lava tubes. Not such an insane hike, and you get to be inside lava tubes...enough said.

The lava tubes will have to wait, though. I have the next two days off of work and they will be spent packing my belongings into giant cardboard boxes, just to move them a mile and unpack them again. And can you guess what I will be doing in two months? Repeating the same thing.

As for right now, I will continue drinking my cup of tea and strategically plan what to put in the next box so I can minimize the stress of UNpacking.

Yummm...

Day One

I cannot believe I am creating a blog. I've always thought blogs were weird. It's like a journal, but something for everyone to read? It just didn't make sense to me...until now.

Let me explain...
I've always enjoyed writing. Not so much fiction, or poetry (well, sometimes poetry), but I've always liked writing thoughts that run wildly through my head. I like to write them down, and read them later. It helps me reflect on my life and remind me what I was thinking, and sometimes why I was thinking something at a certain time. This, however, is my problem: when I write, I don't edit myself. I just write. (So if anyone actually ever reads this, please excuse the occasional grammar, spelling, or any other error that may occur, including just not making sense). It was something I learned in high school. I had a wonderful teacher Junior year of high school, Mr. Janssen, who had us write in our journal every week for ten minutes. He always said the goal was to "just write." Don't lift your pen or pencil from the paper, just write. I soon grew to love this idea, and the act itself. It's a sort of release. You get everything out of your mind that you consciously or sometimes subconsciously want, or need to get out. And everyone knows that if you keep your feelings and thoughts bottled up, it doesn't always turn out well. It's much healthier to have some sort of "release" for these thoughts and feelings. For some people it is writing, others singing or laughing, or screaming. So this, is why I write. I don't do it on a regular basis, although I probably should, but it makes me feel better when I get to it.

As far as the blog thing goes, I've found that relating to other people is healthy. Yes, it took me 18 years to figure this out. I've always been someone who didn't really want to relate to people. My problems are mine. Nobody can relate to what is going on in my life, good or bad. But I've learned that sometimes people CAN relate to each other. And when you do relate, if you're going through a tough time, it feels a lot better. And if you're going through a good time, it's nice to share that good feeling with someone who understands it. So this is why I'm doing this. Maybe someone will relate to me. Somewhat understand what I write from time to time. I cannot promise that this blog will be interesting, funny, or as mentioned above, make any sense what so ever. It just IS. It just will BE.

With all that said, let's give this a try...