Just breathe...

Here we go again with the mind changing. I cannot make decisions to save my life. I want to teach. I know this...but do I really want to major in English Secondary Ed??? Will I be stuck?! Will I be able to get a job?! Eye yei yei! I've always been a big fan of Biology, hence my Environmental Science - Bio ex-major, and now minor, but I have this enormous love for English and the content area. So what do I do? It's pretty up in the air right now, which I am not a fan of...things being up in the air that is. I would really like a concrete career path, but I can't seem to get to that point. I think I just need to take it easy, step back, breathe, and do what my heart tells me.

In other news, Jenna Bee and I are going to Bikram Yoga and I am incredibly nervous to say the least. Class starts in less than two hours and I'm just finishing up my supper, which is a yummy salad with organic romaine lettuce, roma tomatoes, garbanzo beans, some cous-cous (the food so nice you say it twice!), fresh mozzarella cheese and of course avocado and my favorite salad dressing. I just learned today that the studio will be an insane 110 degrees! Yikes! My guess is that I will come back at least 3lbs lighter after the hour and a half class. Good thing I already drink a lot of water on a regular basis! I hope it will be enjoyable, but I'm 99% positive I will end up laying in a pool of sweat on my mat after the first 10 minutes. Here's to hoping I make it through!

Feeling the Pull

Tonight is a lovely evening in Flagstaff. Yes, it's a little chilly, but as I sit in front of the window there's a wonderful rain scented breeze flowing through the screen and I can just feel the rain coming...or maybe it's just how my hair is acting...take a look!

I heard this wonderful song by the Swell Season called 'Feeling the Pull' and I couldn't relate to it more. Lately I've been wanting so much more...to get out and LIVE. I want to travel, I want to do something wonderful that I can tell people about and feel accomplished about. I feel so small sometimes, and although I'm perfectly okay with feeling small, I want something to dedicate my life to...or something along those lines. I think I just need a project.
I started reading this book called Turtle Feet and it is a memoir about a young man that quit everything because he wanted to go to India and become a Buddhist monk...why can't I do something great like that? Oh right, because I'm 19 years young and I have the rest of my life to do it. I don't want to wait though. I know people say that there is no rush growing up, but most of the time I long for grown up things. I can't wait to graduate, to join the Peace Corps, to start teaching, to settle down, get married, have kids, live a quiet life. Of course, the marriage and kids thing will most likely be a while considering the fact that I am not anywhere close to even having a boyfriend...but I want these things NOW. I feel like I am waiting for my life to start, and I don't like that feeling. I've been trying so hard to focus on living in the now, but it seems all I can do is focus on the future. Maybe this is all just hitting me now because I have what seems like everyone around me getting married, having children and starting their own lives. I suppose it comes with the passing years. I just feel slightly unaccomplished compared to other people's lives. Maybe I shouldn't compare my life to others...that cannot be healthy. But, I just hope one day someone will love me, my story, my life, and it inspires them. I find so much inspiration from other people and other things that I must wonder if someone with ever find me interesting, and inspiring...

P.S. I am in NO WAY ready to get married or have children...but the thought of it excites me to the extreme.

For the love of you.

Why is it that we do so much to please other people? Why don't we do something that we love, for us. I notice, all to often, that people do stuff just to make somebody else happy. We often act as completely different people to impress someone, to show them something that they might like. But I've noticed that when we act as someone we're not, we lose ourselves.

I look at the people around me, and at the country I live in and I wonder, how often do people stop to do something that they love, simply because they love it? I have this spot in Prescott that I love watching the sunset (there's nothing like an Arizona sunset), and I do it because it brings me peace. I don't know why I love the sky so much from that exact place in comparison to other places, but it's something that I would rather not analyze. I don't want to break down each color of the sunset or focus on WHY I love it. I watch the sunset from there because it's beautiful, and that's all I know.

I want to start living my entire life in this way: doing things for me; not for other people. I want to travel, I want to love, I want to watch the sunset from my favorite place with no distractions. This is my focus. To enjoy, to love, and to live life.