Tonight is a lovely evening in Flagstaff. Yes, it's a little chilly, but as I sit in front of the window there's a wonderful rain scented breeze flowing through the screen and I can just feel the rain coming...or maybe it's just how my hair is acting...take a look!
I heard this wonderful song by the Swell Season called 'Feeling the Pull' and I couldn't relate to it more. Lately I've been wanting so much more...to get out and LIVE. I want to travel, I want to do something wonderful that I can tell people about and feel accomplished about. I feel so small sometimes, and although I'm perfectly okay with feeling small, I want something to dedicate my life to...or something along those lines. I think I just need a project.
I started reading this book called Turtle Feet and it is a memoir about a young man that quit everything because he wanted to go to India and become a Buddhist monk...why can't I do something great like that? Oh right, because I'm 19 years young and I have the rest of my life to do it. I don't want to wait though. I know people say that there is no rush growing up, but most of the time I long for grown up things. I can't wait to graduate, to join the Peace Corps, to start teaching, to settle down, get married, have kids, live a quiet life. Of course, the marriage and kids thing will most likely be a while considering the fact that I am not anywhere close to even having a boyfriend...but I want these things NOW. I feel like I am waiting for my life to start, and I don't like that feeling. I've been trying so hard to focus on living in the now, but it seems all I can do is focus on the future. Maybe this is all just hitting me now because I have what seems like everyone around me getting married, having children and starting their own lives. I suppose it comes with the passing years. I just feel slightly unaccomplished compared to other people's lives. Maybe I shouldn't compare my life to others...that cannot be healthy. But, I just hope one day someone will love me, my story, my life, and it inspires them. I find so much inspiration from other people and other things that I must wonder if someone with ever find me interesting, and inspiring...
P.S. I am in NO WAY ready to get married or have children...but the thought of it excites me to the extreme.
I heard this wonderful song by the Swell Season called 'Feeling the Pull' and I couldn't relate to it more. Lately I've been wanting so much more...to get out and LIVE. I want to travel, I want to do something wonderful that I can tell people about and feel accomplished about. I feel so small sometimes, and although I'm perfectly okay with feeling small, I want something to dedicate my life to...or something along those lines. I think I just need a project.
I started reading this book called Turtle Feet and it is a memoir about a young man that quit everything because he wanted to go to India and become a Buddhist monk...why can't I do something great like that? Oh right, because I'm 19 years young and I have the rest of my life to do it. I don't want to wait though. I know people say that there is no rush growing up, but most of the time I long for grown up things. I can't wait to graduate, to join the Peace Corps, to start teaching, to settle down, get married, have kids, live a quiet life. Of course, the marriage and kids thing will most likely be a while considering the fact that I am not anywhere close to even having a boyfriend...but I want these things NOW. I feel like I am waiting for my life to start, and I don't like that feeling. I've been trying so hard to focus on living in the now, but it seems all I can do is focus on the future. Maybe this is all just hitting me now because I have what seems like everyone around me getting married, having children and starting their own lives. I suppose it comes with the passing years. I just feel slightly unaccomplished compared to other people's lives. Maybe I shouldn't compare my life to others...that cannot be healthy. But, I just hope one day someone will love me, my story, my life, and it inspires them. I find so much inspiration from other people and other things that I must wonder if someone with ever find me interesting, and inspiring...
P.S. I am in NO WAY ready to get married or have children...but the thought of it excites me to the extreme.
i loveee you and this. you are the bestt<3 good things come to those who wait:)
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