"I miss those (brown) eyes, how you kissed me at night. I miss the way we sleep; like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile. I miss the way we breathe. But I never told you, what I should have said. No I never told you, I just held it in; and now, I miss EVERYTHING about you."
It's amazing the power this song has over me. I listen to it and I immediately feel the same emotion that I felt crying myself to sleep after Anthony died. And to be quite honest, there are still nights that I do the same as I did a week after he was gone...and it's been more than five months.
FIVE MONTHS?! How the hell have you been out of my life for five fucking months?! It doesn't seem possible. It doesn't feel possible. When I look at pictures or hear a song that reminds me of you (like Just Dance haha or some good ole Jason Mraz) I'm taken back to the times dancing in the backseat of Haley's car or staying up literally all night and the next morning and just playing our favorite music for each other while Haley and Michael got pissed because we wouldn't shut up. I guess fitting four people into one huge bed probably wasn't the best idea when two of them wanted to sleep and all I wanted to do was get to know you. You would still tell me that I was the one who kept you up all night, and maybe that is so, but I don't regret pulling that all-nighter with you for one second, even though I was dead tired the next day and you had football practice at 6am. That was the night I got to know you. That was the night I decided, 'I like this guy. He's wonderful, and nothing like I expected.'
I still cannot process the idea that you're gone. I've never understood when people lose someone and they feel like a piece of them is missing, until now. I feel a hole in my heart. I feel like you took it with you to where ever you are, and all I want is for you to bring it back and for you to stick around with it. It hurts too much to have a part of me gone. You knew me better than a lot of people. You saw right through me. You could make me cry because I was so angry at you, and kiss you five minutes later because you apologized and put those arms around me and charmed me with your smile. I still don't understand how we became such great friends. I don't understand why you were so nice to me, so loving towards me. You treated me better than just about any friend I've ever had. You even listened to me cry when I called you about my grandmother, and you told me everything would be okay. I never thought I would have to say goodbye to you before I said it to her.
I simply cannot believe you are gone. I can't accept it yet. I'm not to that point. You surround me. You are everywhere I look. And I miss you every damn day. All I needed was for you to come and put your arms around me and tell me everything was going to be okay, and you weren't here. And it hurts. It literally aches. And I'm not sure when it won't anymore. I miss you my dear. And I love you, so much.
It's amazing the power this song has over me. I listen to it and I immediately feel the same emotion that I felt crying myself to sleep after Anthony died. And to be quite honest, there are still nights that I do the same as I did a week after he was gone...and it's been more than five months.
FIVE MONTHS?! How the hell have you been out of my life for five fucking months?! It doesn't seem possible. It doesn't feel possible. When I look at pictures or hear a song that reminds me of you (like Just Dance haha or some good ole Jason Mraz) I'm taken back to the times dancing in the backseat of Haley's car or staying up literally all night and the next morning and just playing our favorite music for each other while Haley and Michael got pissed because we wouldn't shut up. I guess fitting four people into one huge bed probably wasn't the best idea when two of them wanted to sleep and all I wanted to do was get to know you. You would still tell me that I was the one who kept you up all night, and maybe that is so, but I don't regret pulling that all-nighter with you for one second, even though I was dead tired the next day and you had football practice at 6am. That was the night I got to know you. That was the night I decided, 'I like this guy. He's wonderful, and nothing like I expected.'
I still cannot process the idea that you're gone. I've never understood when people lose someone and they feel like a piece of them is missing, until now. I feel a hole in my heart. I feel like you took it with you to where ever you are, and all I want is for you to bring it back and for you to stick around with it. It hurts too much to have a part of me gone. You knew me better than a lot of people. You saw right through me. You could make me cry because I was so angry at you, and kiss you five minutes later because you apologized and put those arms around me and charmed me with your smile. I still don't understand how we became such great friends. I don't understand why you were so nice to me, so loving towards me. You treated me better than just about any friend I've ever had. You even listened to me cry when I called you about my grandmother, and you told me everything would be okay. I never thought I would have to say goodbye to you before I said it to her.
I simply cannot believe you are gone. I can't accept it yet. I'm not to that point. You surround me. You are everywhere I look. And I miss you every damn day. All I needed was for you to come and put your arms around me and tell me everything was going to be okay, and you weren't here. And it hurts. It literally aches. And I'm not sure when it won't anymore. I miss you my dear. And I love you, so much.
